There’s a need right now for communicating. Strangely enough there’s not really anything to communicate. Maybe that is what we term loneliness? But I don’t feel lonely, on the contrary, I feel pretty good, which is ofcourse something to communicate. It’s nice for a change to use my space in sharing whatever postivness there is, no matter how vague it is. Too much is focused on the negative sides in our lives, and in other peoples lives as well. I find that sad, and a bit scary, how easily we so readily take to heart all that’s bad, sad, awful or gruesome. I wouldn’t like to think that negativity is a force of its own, but maybe it’s just that, a force to be reckoned with, to be wary of…But if that is so, it must also be that the positivity is equal to that negative side. This is ofcourse as old as water, but I can write what I want here, and so I do.The question is though, if it will even out within a scope of time that I can see? Or is this the religion of everything, to trust in an outcome, whether we see it or not? That trust is hard to come by I feel. We all look for this instant gratification, and it’s so shortlived, as are we, and who can really care about a time when we’re not even around anymore? I try to fend off negativity as best I can. It’s not easy, and sometimes I feel as if this is a way of fleeing the harsher thruts and facts in life, but still, I don’t think I flee. Not really. It’s more that I don’t need to know about all that is wrong in the world. I know about much of it, and react like we all do, with sorrow, horror, or when it’s closer to home with the approriate reactions. But it overwhelms me, and I don’t really see the point of accumulating all that’s wrong in the world….to do what with it? I cry over cruelty, beaten animals, starving babies, the lot, but it also brings on such an immense feeling of helplessness, that it’s sometimes hard to bear. What can I do, more than try to do good in my immediate close sphere, to try to be a friend, a help, sort my garbage…..Maybe nothing more than that, and I really truly hope that this will be enough, because for me to carry a load of guilty conscience would only add to the very negativity I try so hard to avoid. I guess that’s why I tend to be so Pollyanna-ish when people complain about one thing or another…I don’t really want to be their accomplice in stoking that negative furnace they seem to be keeping lit at all times. Granted, there are things that need to be aired, and discussed, to get the right respons to a problem, but it has to stop there. The incessant griping can bring no good I’m sure, and will only serve to further deepen the grief.
So…I try to look t the good things, see the nice sides of people around me. I think maybe I’m overly persistent in this because of how I was before. Following my mother’s lead, I jibed at everyone, and everything that didn’t fit into my idea of how things or people should be. I almost blush in shame now, looking back on those to loudmouthed persons, one old enough to know better, and the other not having a clue. But I don’t blush, I try to forgive us both because there’s a reason fo everything, and an action is always followed by a reaction. And now that I do see how it was, I can only make up for it by changing. Beating myself won’t helped anyone, least of all myself. I do sometimes mourn the fact though that my mother didn’t seem to get it right before she passed away. I find it sad that one person can harbour so much resentment, be so unhappy within herself, never really managing to turn to the postive sides of life. Well she did, once in a while, and I suppose I can only be happy for whatever happiness she did get. We’re not here on this Earth I think ,in sync with each other, we’re here struggling to get it all right, if not this time, then next. And I think the part that’s hard to get around is how much is forgotten, from one time to the next, how hard it is to listen to that which I’m sure is within all of us, the sense.
Well I hardly remember where all this started, and my neck is absolutely killing me, so this will be all…for now.
Something, Anything 